August 7, 2006
So, I have returned from vacation in California and I am already having sea-air withdrawal! Upon returning from my trips I was reminded how quickly life moves and thought I would share some of my thoughts.
I was so relaxed, refreshed and feeling so connected and, almost as fast as I relaxed on the beach, I was wound up again sitting in the No. VA traffic. It was as though my mind and body had forgotten just how relaxed it was (AND how capable it is of relaxing) and was instantaneously in knots and annoyed. The day after I returned from CA, I drove up to PA to speak at a conference for people living with Parkinson Disease and once again, I was grounded - literally pulled by something from below and grounded as I was reminded how drastically life has changed for these individuals. No matter how desperately they may want to "go quick" they are forced to slow and the world around them remains fast - almost dizzying.
This reminded me of a couple of the young adults I have come in contact with and how they would say "Sage, I could be surrounded by so many people and still feel utterly alone because they just don't get it" - and maybe they can't slow down enough to "get it"?
That is what Eric and I wanted to create this space for - a safe place to talk with, share, laugh, scream, to be bold or to be a quiet observer and to connect with people who "get it" . You all make up this community, this "club that nobody asked to join" and we want to find outlets to help support you - so let us know what we can do. If there are topics, ideas, suggestions, papers, etc. that you want us to share or get more information on. This is your site.
Here are a couple questions that came out of my thoughts above - you can respond, chuck 'em or create your own questions, thoughts, etc...
In the midst of this chaotic, busy world we live in how do we take care of ourselves? When life is full of Dr's appt's or follow-up appt's on top of work, relationships, and family - how do we make sure that we are keeping our spirit well nourished? And how do we deal with the fact that life goes on around us even when ours seems to stop? Is it selfish of us to ask them to stop with us? What would happen if we required a day of rest and reflection of everyone?
Peace,
Sage
posted by sage @ 11:43 AM
3 Comments:
Although many people seem to believe that when you are forced to pause your life, it must be a negative experience, I have come to believe that it is actually something that can be celebrated. A year and a half out from the AML diagnosis, I feel thankful that I have had time to re-evaluate my life and my goals. I guess for me, if it had to happen, it happened at the perfect time. I just got my Master's and was getting ready to search for a job, I lived at home with my parents and sister and I was single. Basically, I was able to completely focus on myself and my needs which allowed me to worry about nothing more than getting well.
At the same time, I watched as my friends and family moved forward in their lives. I liken it to those moving sidewalks at airports. My friends and family were all on one of them, while I struggled to keep pace walking alongside on the plain old floor.
When I started feeling a bit frustrated watching as everyone adapted to life changes (engagements, marriages, children, graduations, new jobs), I stopped trying to keep pace and I looked around me. I noticed things I hadn't previously acknowledged much--beautiful houses and flowers that were on our route to the doctor's office; deer, foxes and birds that enjoyed our yard throughout the day; the different insect choruses at night, the power of a favorite song. Being sick gave me the freedom and the desire to look for something beautiful in every day. And since my counts were so low, I looked for most of that beauty at home or from the passenger seat on the way to and from the doctor's office.
I think I was lucky to find peace so easily. I put aside my thoughts on feeling left behind in life's schedule and I realized that I was wishing my friends and family could have the same opportunity--not for the same reasons obviously, but I wanted them to have a chance to reflect on what was important to them. I don't think it's selfish to ask others to slow down for a bit. I certainly wouldn't do it for selfish reasons, I would just want them to be able to feel what it is like to be able to slow things down and get a new perspective.
And it's funny because, even though at times I felt like everyone was passing me by, I know my own spirit was nourished by sharing their happiness and excitement in each new stage of their lives.
Julie -
THANK YOU! I loved your visualization of the moving sidewalks at aiports. I do wish life would slow down more, I wish that those around us would take time to "be" more, unfortunately I don't practice this enough. Your words will resonate with me today and the rest of the week and I will try to appreciate the houses, deer, even maybe the traffic :) Thanks again. Sage
As I thought more about these thoughts and talked with a few others, as well as looking at another Young Adult site I monitor, I wanted to respond again and say for those of you who don't have peace "that is okay too". One girl on another site recently said - she wasjust so sick of everyone saying 'wow, you must have such a great appreciation for life' and she wished could scream and say 'look, I didn't ask for cancer and I could have found the same appreciation without it' - however, she is making peace in her own way. Everyone has the right to have their space of anger and frustration and everyone makes sense of their disease in their own way. It is important to not let anger consume you but everyone needs to go through their own process of healing and finding peace and that is going to look different for everyone. Thanks again Julie for offering your story on how you have made sense of it and found peace.
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